I wanted to make her 1st Christmas a momentous occasion and Everyone keeps saying ‘ how exciting it’s your baby’s first Christmas’. Honestly I am trying to be excited but she is just a baby and like I have said before she has NO CLUE as she had still so little Therefore I am turning my attention to Celebrating the fact that it was our first Christmas as parents!

Instead of drunken nights out and Christmas parties, I was attending many children parties drinking coffee and eating cake, dressing her up in every Christmas themed outfit I could find, hand making cards for Daddy and Grandma

and Granddad with help of Liberty’s feet and some paint and doing things as a family like visiting Santa (I am a big kid as heart so that was for me) and buying presents for Dave from Liberty instead of drowning her in presents! I requested that I didn’t want people to buy her gifts as not necessary and requested vouchers as we are still discovering what she needs like bigger bottles, weaning products and a High chair as to be honest she would be more interested in the wrapping paper.

So to build up the excitement, I wanted to start some traditions for Liberty and one of those being a Christmas Eve Box. I had heard about these and nearly bought one for myself last year but fill it with prosecco instead of hot chocolate. It included films – Home Alone (for Lib) and Die Hard for me and Dave to watch while in bed drinking hot chocolate, eating the chocolate coins and festive biscuits. She got a new soft toy – Unicorn of course. It also had her new Christmas sleep suit and the ‘Night before Christmas’ book which was gifted from my best friend Lucinda as she was read it by her parents on Christmas Eve when she was little. Christmas Eve sort of run to plan, we had friends round to exchange gifts and it turned in a late night where we watched Die Hard but drank Prosecco (old habits die hard 🤣)

Christmas Day came and it felt like just another day! I already knew what presents I had got from Dave as I sent him the list of my exact requests – Vans Trainers, Bobbi Brown Pink Shimmer Block and Red Dead Redemption 2! I had a couple of bits from Family but Liberty’s pile was massive! I did enjoy unwrapping them but felt slightly jealous as she get presents instead of me! I know that sounds ridiculous and incredibly selfish but I felt irrelevant like it wasn’t about me anymore! Yes I know it isn’t as I have Liberty but I am still me and want to be spoilt like a child 😩 (that really does sound terrible but I am sure some of you have felt the same!) I did have a good day with my parents who cane for lunch and it was nice to not have to cook so I could have a bit of break. After lunch we visited the in-laws for dessert and Cheese and some good conversation. I love been around them as I am always guaranteed a laugh (normally mocking Dave). Liberty is programmed now to know when bedtime is and she started to get grumpy around 19:30 so that’s it fun over and time to go! My dear husband had been smashing the Port and didn’t realise how drunk he was until the fresh air hit him so as well as putting Liberty to bed on our return home, he also was put to bed not until he was sick! 🙄 There was one bonus to this which was that I could have a nice bath in peace relaxing with my lovely Lush bath bomb but I felt incredibly lonely! I shouldn’t be spending Christmas Day night alone! I was sat after my bath flicking through the TV guide looking for something to watch but I was too restless to be able to concentrate on anything so I literally just sat in the dark watching the Christmas tree lights twinkle waiting until 23:30 when Liberty needed the night feed and moved into our room so no chance for me to go to sleep early. How very sad! I had dread that Dave would wake up feeling like he had been dug up and Boxing Day would be a write off so I became annoyed and started to wind myself up even before I knew what the outcome was going on be. 

Surprisingly Dave could function on Boxing Day morning. Because I had worked myself up so much from the night before, I wanted him not be fine as all that annoyance could have been for something but I needed to stop being a grumpy bitch and continue to enjoy the festive period. We went for a nice pub lunch in a village just out of Harrogate with my in-laws and a nice walk and I felt good and happy. Once home, I was left alone again, this time Dave went for a nap 🤬I don’t know why I get so bothered when he wants to do things as he should be able to as he works hard and deserves a break but I cant help feeling resentful. I really am a moody bitch. once he was up, we continued the daily routine regardless of Christmas, which is watching ‘House of Cards’ together while I express my boob before bed. I went to bed in the mindset that all the festive celebrations were over now so I could take some pressure off myself and get back to normal even thinking about taking the Christmas tree down on 27th.

Today I was still in the mindset of ‘Christmas is over’ and then turned my attention to stressing about 2019! I have to return to work and all the events we have in the calendar like christenings, weddings and big birthdays. I literally can’t stop my mind from overthinking which causes me anxiety. I need a strong word with myself. Luckily I have an appointment with my Therapist tomorrow so this will help offloading and get some guidance to relieve some pressure I have put on myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I did have a good Christmas and hope and pray once Liberty is older then I will be able to feel the Christmas magic that I did when I was a child.


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