This pictures sums up my current mood as I feeling like I’m drowning in what is going on at the moment! It’s been nearly 2 weeks since I started to take my new meds and to be honest, I am not really at the point to say that they are working 100%. I know some medications can take up to 3 weeks to start working but I thought by now that they would have. My anxiety is still awful and still feel a little out of control. I think the mania is starting to pass but still can’t stop the thoughts in my head running a million miles an hour. I am not used to this whole anxiety feeling. I have only ever either felt very low or euphoric. It’s like being in the middle where I am showing signs of both. Manic in the sense of feeling restless, feeling ‘on edge’, irritable and agitated but then feeling low, having a sense of dread and self-doubt and start to panic.

I feel exhausted with it all. I do what I normally do to help get in control of my situation and research. Putting all my symptoms into google, it came up with Generalised Anxiety Disorder!

I literally tick all the boxes for the psychology symptoms and even some of physical ones. I constantly feel muscle pain due to feeling tense. I often get headaches and feel sick most days. I didn’t realise that you can actually get physically symptoms with anxiety as I have only even felt pain with my feelings. I even take painkillers religiously to ease the pains in my body and even take them to try and prevent the pain. (part of my manic OCD and wanting to in control plus I know it’s very bad for me) Can you have Bipolar and Generalised Anxiety Disorder at the same time? This is something that I will be discussing with my care team this coming week.

Like I have mentioned in my last post, I need to reduce the stress in my life. I have put my flexible working request on hold for the moment as need to try and get my head round my current feelings before I go and chance everything. Even though work is one of the key stresses. I’m currently in a Lose Lose situation. I have a GP appointment on Wednesday and I am going to lay in all out and see what the plan is (you know me, I love a plan).

I just what it to stop. 🙏🏻


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