My bare truth! I’m literally sat here alone in the dark thinking about everything feeling a mixture of anxiety and frustration and feeling a little bit lost! After trying to be optimistic over the last few weeks the realisation is really hitting home about how bad this actually is ! I go to work each day making sure that I hug my baby and my husband tight before I leave and hope and pray that I don’t bring this virus home with me! Like I said I don’t work on the front line and can’t begin to imagine what it’s like for them especially some of them having to be away from their family so I do feel extremely lucky I don’t have to be like that!

Dave isn’t very well and I think some bad side-effects to his medication for his rheumatoid arthritis and we seem to argue as he thinks I don’t care! I know he is frustrated As it’s been months of pain for him and finally got medication but feels worse from it and then add the whole lockdown situation in, it literally consumes him! I just sit on my own and have a little cry to get all my frustrations out! I know most people are feeling like this with the current situation but I’m just scared that’s all 😩

Liberty is definitely noticing a change as has been more cuddly than ever as I feel she can sense our worries! Plus she has gone back to being a sleep thief! 😴 Like I said in my last post, I worry about her not having her routine and ensuring that she is suitably entertained but it’s hard when you are emotionally drained! I worry about her as she isn’t really eating a great deal at the moment which I’m hoping is just a phase so put her back on stage 2 formula for her bedtime bottle and got some multivitamin syrup to ensure she gets everything she needs!

After the stress of all the above, I find myself reaching for the gin on an evening to try and ease the anxiety and help me switch off but know that could be potentially worse for me! Luckily I have therapy next week via video chat so I will be able to offload a little of my anxiety as I don’t want to become ill and affect my work as it’s the only stability I have!

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